I don't know what I'm doing....

The title says it all "I don't know what I'm doing....." this is true in more way than one. I don't know how to blog and I don't know that I have any business becoming a mum. Sure I have my furbabies but I can get away from them if they annoy me, a really baby this terrifies me.

I have so many fears and concerns about all of this, my husband and I had talked about having a kid but never came to a full conclusion, only that we would be happy either way and that it wasn't a necessity for either of us. I'd set a time-frame of 35, if we didn't have any (or come to a full decision) by then we weren't going to have any, well here I am 20 weeks 6 days pregnant and 31 years old. I guess this is happening.

I've had lots of thoughts about this, I've been stressed, since the oh so important, start taking prenatal vitamins 3-6 months in advance of getting pregnant, clearly didn't occur. Glasses of wine and the ever so present brie and blue cheese were also a factor, seriously, I had just bought a huge brick of the most delicious Gorgonzola when I found out, getting rid of this was an incredible sad and heartbreaking task... one day blue cheese I'll be back for you.

I'm also a planner so not being prepared and jumping into this had to happen quickly...
Found out I was pregnant and within 48hrs...

• Had called to get on the midwife waiting list (not even 6 weeks pregnant I was on this). 
• Called the doctors office to make an appointment as I knew the midwife wasn't a guarantee. 
• Started taking prenatal vitamins - neural tube issues - don't know what this is but knew it couldn't be good.  
• Took two more pregnancy tests just to make sure I wasn't going crazy

Oh and had a breakdown, an unplanned pregnancy at any age has got to be a pretty terrifying experience.  Sure I know people with babies and children but none of them are super close friends. My best friends are all childless, so this is uncharted territory with no one to really discuss things with. We are also not really around children and other peoples aren't always my thing. I have never been a huge fan of babies or children, I don't know what people have done to their kids. Do people not discipline them... one of my fears is that I will raise a little asshole of a human. Heck my furbabies may already be a sign that I'm screwed...as they are assholes (not really though they are very clingy).

I have lots more but I think this was a good start. I think the plan for this thing is to use this as an outlet, put my fears and concerns out there. Hopefully as time goes by share some knowledge and thoughts. Some fun posts would be nice to so not always so serious. I suppose as this is mine I can control and do what I like. It will be one of the things I actually control in my life...